Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A fond farewell to blogspot

Well, I've finally gone & done it... I've not only moved my home but I've moved my blog as well. So from now on, look to www.otterdreams.com

That is now my official blogspot. And yes I've moved to Washington. Feels odd but it is the right thing for me. My former abode is currently in the middle of being foreclosed but there is hope that my former roommate will be able to get bought out before the final bell rings to keep the foreclosure of her history. I will miss Cinqfoil House. It was a safe haven when I desparately needed one.

Keep Adrienne in the light my loves, she deserves the best possible outcome for her.

I have the outcome for me. At least for now. I am renting a room at my gentleman's place. It is risky, could overstress the relationship, but I'm hoping the fact that I pay and that I tend to keep to my room will make things easier. One nice thing for me, the room is twice the size of the one I had so I actually have room to set up a desktop & exercise space as well as my bookcases... will just have to rotate the stock on a regular basis. Be happy for me.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Ok, now I'm peeved

It is not a great morning. As a matter of fact it is an ego bruising morning. I was sent an invitation to post a profile at this site noted. So for fun & jollies (and a way to waste some time) I decided to go for it. Within 30 minutes of joining the site I have one guy making fun of my faith & another guy doing an attack over no photo on the site, I mean get real, I hadn't even finished posting my essay & my photos for approval by the moderators & this guy is in attack mode. Then I go to his profile & discover that it is a diatribe on how no one takes accountability for thier lives. Then a cruel attack on women of size.

So I send him back a note going, you know, I'm not attracted to what I see in your profile so why did you write me? He sends a note back saying that he's mocking me. So I give him an invitation to the world & then I report him as being abusive. Response, well I get to block him... boy what a wonderful thing, I can not have to hear his abuse, but what about the other women he's abusing? How do we get him booted to protect those more fragile than I am.

This goober needs an invitation to the world, let him go play in traffic I mean good grief no one joins one of these sites looking for attackers.

I'm in a non-commited relationship right now and I love making new friends. I want to end up with someone for the long term and I can't stop looking for that, no matter how wonderful the current is, if it can't become something more then I need to take responsibility to keep looking for what is supposed to be.

Blast it, I was in such a good mood & now this bozo has tried to cripple my day. Well phbtttt at him. I told him I deserved better & invited him to the world pointing out that he should watch his butt to make sure the door didn't hit it on his way out. Goddess why do these losers hang at a site where people are going looking for friends.

Oh well, I'm going to enjoy the new coolness in my room & actually try to recover my work from my writing project. I sure hope I made a back up that works, now all I have to do is find the disk.

Labels:

Friday, July 4, 2008

The way to reach me

If you've sent me mail at a date site & I haven't answered that probably means that my membership doesn't allow a return of mail. Sorry guys, the budget here is REAL tight. So I'm opting to give out my email from here

Send your mail to:

Lyssasdream@gmail.com

I'm hoping not to drown in scam mail but if I do I'll cope.

I'm currently enjoying having met some new friends locally and I've gotten involved with a local women's pagan group. So my social life is growing by leaps & bounds. Happy grins go here!

With any luck I'll hear from you soon.. (ruddy spell check didn't catch the hear vs here sigh)

I wait with anchovies under my tongue ... you know Opus' ever popular baited breathe... giggle NOT

She tastes sweet when she kisses, boys, never licked an ashtray in her life...

And sweet liqueurs are preferred.

sweet soft smile inserted here

Labels:

Friday, June 20, 2008

My tastes (see tongue firmly in cheek here)

I realized that I haven't put much up here about the physical me & my tastes. So to ensure that everyone knows where to go for my birthday here's a little list (wicked evil grin)

First things first; I do not expect anyone to ever use the information herein, I did it basically as an exercise in what would I do for myself if I had unlimited funds. Had a lot of fun doing it. It is amazing just how wide the imagination can swing when one decides never to look at a price tag. I put this up only so that those who care about me will enjoy seeing what I would do if I could go crazy right now. I truly am not so mercenary that I would expecy folks to go to Nordies for me. Giggle, but my how I can spend if I'm not looking.

Someday I dream of a pegnoir set from Cash's of Ireland. And I'm still working on convincing myself that I can't buy shoes at Payless anymore - Jeff used to yell at me for abusing my feet with cheap shoes.. honey if you are looking down at me well I'm still trying to pay attention to you. sigh

I'm 5'5", use a cane, have red hair & changeable eyes (green to blue). I'm what you would call voluptous or curvy or plush. Fat is not the correct term as my weight is fairly evenly distributed along the length of me. Now that I've lost the first 45 pounds, I realize that my clothes aren't fitting as well. Unfortunately until the government coughs up some cash I'm going to be a bit shabby in outsized clothes... There are much worse things in this life to have happen to one.

I wear a size 20 or 2x. (I like a roomie cut). Shoes are a 7.5 M (narrow heeled if possible). I'll have to get back to you with my glove size, but rings are 5.5-6.5 depending on the finger, necklaces should be 16" to 18" chains. I'm not into yellow gold so don't bother with it, silver, white gold, platinum however can definitely make me grin.

I love jewel tones and when it comes to jewelry; dark blue gems, sapphires & Opals are high on my lists. I've pierced ears. My hair is currently rather short, but for the right person (aka somebody who helps me take care of it) I might be convinced to let it grow.

I have a wish list at a few of these places..

Barnes & Noble
Amazon.com

Target
Nordstroms.

I love perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemical Labs, many of their offerings are available as .5ml "imps" which are fairly inexpensive aka $15 per. So if you see something there that you think you might like the smell of, send it to me with a request that I wear it when next we meet.. I might just comply. (Wink)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Date report

Well, finally, another new date; have to say, I honestly like this guy. Very nice, sweet, attentive, relaxed in himself & not pushing for me to answer the issues in his life. He's ex-navy, as was my daddy so he wins extra rounds on that one.

Polite, well mannered, a little shy, but not overly so. We had a lovely sushi dinner & went to see the Hulk (newest version). Things, I believe, went well. At least he asked me if I would be interested in getting together next Monday or Tuesday, so I don't think I scared him off.

A funny comment struck me during the evening, he said that I was prettier than he had expected. I accept the compliment, but continue to be surprised by it. I haven't considered myself pretty as it were, since before Jeff died. Maybe it is the pain, but I don't see it. But he sure seemed to think so, (as did Jeff) - an omen of things to come?

Don't know but I'm looking forward to the adventure of really getting to know him. Hope he'll have as much fun getting to know me.

Living outside time

Since I was laid off (disability complications in 2003) I have lived not attached to a clock. It is an odd feeling to look up at the calendar & not be able to remember what day it is; nor know what time it is. Time slips thru our fingers so easily; after so many years locked to the clock this is a gentle blessing of my new life.

I know the pain killers help me lose "track of time", but it is more than that. I can go thru a day with no awareness of whether I woke in morning or afternoon. I literally live in a place outside of time. My only measures are: my med count for my pain pills, Adrienne nagging me to eat, the cats' food/water dishes & ah yes the big one, the condition of the litter box. Insert pained grin here, yes indeedie the girls have their ways of letting me know about the passage of time. {The litter box lives in my room for them, as do their dishes, so there is no escaping to the next room to avoid the odor... nasty}

So while I'm no longer invested in the rat race, I am definitely vested in the cat pace. Long lingering naps & lie abouts with special attention to diet, exercise & grooming. Ah, yes, now I know why the looked so relaxed all these years..

The cats they truly are smarter than people - they already live outside time...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Scattered thoughts in the night

Sometimes when it's late, you find yourself chasing thoughts in the dark. It's not an easy process folks. The little things scurry under the bed to join the dust mice & the cat hiding from something unpleasant. At least they are worried that it will be unpleasant. Like my Tabitha when she hears the vaccuum monster start. She's quite certain if she stays out in the light that she'll be swooped away & eaten by the monsterous machine. She won't be, but even now 13 years after the fact she is still certain that she is right & my assurances are wrong.

Goddess to have such faith in yourself, in your instincts. Unfortunately that is not the way of mankind. We do have doubts & when an instinct says we are unsafe we oft times freeze, like a doe in headlights.

I don't want to be frozen. But I surely do feel the light is on me right now. Not long ago I made the decision to try out several dating websites. It is an uncomfortable awkward process, but I screwed up my courage & took the plunge. For the most part it has been an easy enough process, answer some questions, write some essays & wait for names to drop from the sky (at least drop whenever the connection gods are kind). But then there are the hard ones. Like the gentleman who posted in answer to what he wanted in a woman "younger than me"... he put "don't care" pretty much for all other questions about the female to be his mate to be. Ahem, ok, so he wants someone young & breathing... no other filtering or qualifications. An essay just bound to make any woman feel like that special someone... then I looked more closely at his age & location.... ahem 74 & Anchorage.... sigh. I guess he really is that desparate... but with that qualifier it seems funny. Without that it just seems sad. But even sadder is the fact that I see a significant number of postings that are just that wide open.

How sad & empty a life must be to not have any idea at all of what one wants in a partner. Physical issues aren't big factors to me. But ethical issues & internal views have tremendous impact. One possible match told me how brave I must be because I filled out every essay. I was completely surprised, I responded that actually I was fairly shy. I figured answering the questions was my duty as part of the social contract here. We all joined because we were lonely, the least I could do was give potential friends a clear view as to who & what I am.

Then I found the sad/hard part. Someone attacked me out of the blue. Hurtful comments, telling me to go crawl under a rock where I belonged... Definitely not what I expected from someone on a maybe we should meet site. I always figured if you didn't want to meet someone all you did was not send them mail. I guess for this person that there are other positions on this to hold. Funnily enough it hurts, even now & it happened hours ago.

Why do people need to strike out at others? Why be hateful & hurtful? Does it really gain them anything? I guess I really am out of touch because I just don't get it.

There is a different man, one I've met in person just once, who is putting what feels like a huge amount of pressure on me. Based upon my statement that when I'm in a long term relationship again I'll insist on the same 30 minutes us time that I shared with my husband (before his death), this man has decided to call me a day later & demand 30 minutes on the phone. One meeting does not a long term relationship make. It feels presumptuous to me, as if he's invading my space. Then I got all tangled up in whether I'm being fair to him... but wait what about fair to me. When he called he wanted to know all about whom I'd talked to, whether I was still looking at the boards or responding to matches. When I answered honestly he started pushing, hard, about my responses to folks, very judgemental. I don't get where he comes off feeling that he has the perogative to tell me how to communicate or whom I can communicate with.

There has been email from men asking me to dominate them, have phone sex with them, and a surprising number who are just alone & lonely wanting to know how to go about meeting a woman. Has Aspbergers taken over the land?

I know that I'm lonely because I am both widowed & no longer working in the outside world. But to find so many with regular jobs who are so lonely as well saddens me. What are we coming to as a people that we walk blindly into the night baring our souls looking for some conversation & companionship. Have we forgotten how to be a community? When we left school did we disconnect from the human race?

The hostile person called me a loser.. funny while I have most definitely lost something huge from my life *I* myself don't feel like a loser. I'm just someone circumstantially alone, for now. How harsh and how cruel we can be to each other.

Well, I'm going to practice my boundary skills, exile the cruel one & trim the sails on the controlling one. I'm willing to be friends, with most folks and I am looking for someone special, I will use this new tool for enlarging my world. I won't be frightened away into the night or under the bed. I am older & wiser than my cat.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Help that isn't helpful - major vent

I hate using a tool & then having the help portion of the tool fail me! I am not a stupid user. After 8 years at Microsoft I feel I have a basic understanding of how to use software. Crud I even teach a class in how to use computers for senior citizens at the local library. I've been singing the praises of Blogspot & now I find that I can't find a way to ask simple questions without jumping thru hoops.

Problem:
After writing a very long post, I went to highlight the words using the standard Microsoft tool, hold the shift key & scroll to highlight all the words you want. Unfortunately in the middle of this process all of my words vanish from the screen!! Vamoose, no sayonara, nothing. However, at the bottom of the screen is a button that is for saving, text beside it says draft autosaved at 11:50pm. So I figure, gee I've only lost a few moments of typing. I'll go open the draft & recover my text. Big not fun issue: no draft shows for after 11:27 pm... so where are my words and where is my last draft that was "autosaved". Why can't I access it?
Now being a semi-brained twit I go to help to find answer on how to recover the long text that was lost... then I get sent into limbo help land... I end up at Google help for adsense... not what I was looking for... try again, end up in a blogspot group, that sez I can't post a question because I'm not a member. Big deep breath, now we chase out to Blogger tips & tricks for dummies.... nothing there either. doesn't seem to be an English language query base (Microsoft has an online support system called Knowledgebase, that lets you type the problem in English & then the "system" parses the language & goes looking for possible answers.) A little website called Ask.com uses that type of query engine.
Still no joy, and now it tells me that I can't post a question to any group because I'm not a member. Sigh, apply for membership, get membership, still no joy. So now I'm looking for any button that will let me ask a question of the folks whom are supporting Help.... where they are I don't know but I suspect that the foxhole is deep & the entrance is mined. The two buttons at the top of the page are gated with statements like TOS questions/complaints only... Bx questions only.. all limited and not on the topic for posting a general question. So now I hunt through the entire page until I find a comments button on how the help tool is doing.... Um well, let's just say I really tried to be a lady when I posted all of these issues to that comments response. I view all of these things to be major bugs within the system.
  1. You should be able to trust autosaved drafts to be accessible to you
  2. You should be able to easily find a way to look in help for the answer to the problem
  3. You should always be able to find a button that leads you to a support screen, always.

The system shouldn't randomly move your cursor about the page and it should be easy to do formatting on screen. These are basic fundamentals of using computers. Anytime you surprise the user in a negative way it is a bad thing. User experience is a BIG issue at Microsoft. Anytime a user whined, complained or just wanted to say hello there is someway for them to do so and someone on the other end to answer. Especially if folks are participating in a beta release of the product. Make that MOST especially.

When I get the anwers to my questions I'll post them here. I promise. But I'm not gonna hold my breath. And while I'm waiting I think I'll start checking out other blogspots... sigh

Labels:

Sunday, April 27, 2008

To see me comment on life & dating...

Go to the eharmony site & look for posts by Lyssa...

I've gotten a bit vociferous lately. I get peeved when I see that the non-moral non-majority try to win by blowing hot air up my skirts... just doesn't work with me... as they are discovering... poor babies, they would not know a logical argument if it slapped them in the face.


Ah, I'm getting less tolerant as the years go by. I refuse to be silenced by those who think that they alone have God's mandate.. nor do I allow them the pleasure of seeing me quail before them.

I find I'm getting some admirers there, I've received notes from folks who think I'm the coolest thing since sliced white bread. Smile.... it's nice to be appreciated.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Trains and beating the gas crunch

Recently I took the train up to Seattle & back. A great experience, a little tough on the back but less of a problem than I expected.

And a hell of a lot less expensive than a flight or driving...

$180 for a Shuttle Express van from Portland to Seattle
$159 for an Alaskan flight round trip (just 2 hours each way)
$90 for business class Cascades Amtrak train
$60 for regular Amtrak Coach fare...

So any way you look at it, it's a great way to beat the high cost of gas & the frustrations of traffic avoidance (we hates rush hour we does)

having a car is convenient yes, but you can rent for less than the cost of the flight while you are there, though with Sound Transit improving regularly it makes green sense to just stick to bio fuels & trains...

I may do the business class next time, I like the sound of a table to work at while I commute.

Imagine, getting to eat & drink without having to watch the road or be strip searched at the airport...

My glorious girls











My neice Wendy has such wonderful daughters.. ya I know I'm biased.. it's my blog so cope!
Miss Kerrigan (to my left) & Miss Morgan (to my right) are blessings to my life. Wendy does great baby manufacture & fantastic face painting. So I've included a link to her website so you can see more of what she has available.
The girls, be they spiders or fishes, are a wonder. They are still in California, but I think of them often, missing them daily. But they are where they need to be & I can't afford California prices so I'm here.
Though I think I'll check out the price of a train ticket to go visit sometime this year.




Thursday, April 3, 2008

Mamma Mia!

I want to see this movie. It makes me think of Jeff - one of his favorite bands was Abba. They ranked right up with Uncle Bonsai...

The 70's were a good decade.. a time we should remember. In our innocence we did many foolish things, and yes back then a lot of us sang out loud for the world to hear.

When did we become ashamed of our voices? Of letting the world hear our songs?

Signing up to support a political candidate

I know, a horrifying concept for a Libertarian, but this time out of the box, I need to speak up. I can't stand the concept of another Mr Bush in the white house.

So I'm going for Hillary!! She has fought on the issues that are important to me for nearly 20 years... better healthcare, positive action plans on how to turn the economy around, bail out for Social Security and supporting our troops world wide.

All things I can believe in. If you bring up race, I'll raise you & throw in gender. If you bring up experience I'll point out that she sleeps with one of the best experience sources still vital & active politically. If you bring up age I'll point to Mr. McCain & shudder.

Then I'll point to actually voting & not just waffling by signing in as present.

She may not be the most incredible choice, but she sure is the most credible choice.

Whomever you decide to vote for, remember that as my daddy used to say, if you don't vote you have no right to comment i.e., bitch about our government. So stand up & be counted.

Something new

Well, for me this is unusual.. I finally joined a fan club. Mr. Bond, James Bond, himself Pierce Brosnan. Always a favorite of mine. A man of ideals & values, check out the activist section of his homepage if you don't know about that part of him. Someone I admire, who is actively using his place in life to try to make a better world.

What a relief from spoiled stars, who give nothing back.

A hero for our generation, we need more of these..

the odd things we do

I've joined eHarmony, trying to get out in the dating world again.

It is an odd feeling, very like being exposed while uncertain if your appearance is tidy...

I want to ask if their lips are warm.... wanting to hear a heart beat if I snuggle with them. They don't get it & I don't know how to explain...

Just another day in being a widow of the web....

a bad night


I'm lonely tonight. Missing my husband a lot. I know, I know, after 4.5 years shouldn't I be past this... sorry that is a no go. I think of him, remember him, want to turn and share a joke with him daily. Sometimes I relive the night I lost him. Goddess what a horrible night that was, I remember it in fragments, us saying I love you, reaching out to hold hands because he hurt to much to cuddle up close to, listening to the cpap machine regulating his breathing, drifting off. Coming awake because the cpap sounds funny, nudging him to get him to adjust the mask. And him not responding. That utter quiet. The nightmare quality when I turned on the lights & realized that it wasn't saran wrap on his face, it was his dried out contact lens stuck to his eye... shiver... yelling, screaming, crying, trying to give him cpr while I was trying to call 911


Begging him not to leave me, to come back, to take a breath... the pounding at the door, the emt's taking over.. Trying to calm down and make phone calls to the right people. The pain & then the mind numbing shock. More people arriving, asking my friend Maura if she would give Jeff Wiccan death rites, no one wanted me to go out in the living room where they had moved him to. Me insisting on going out & kissing him good by before they took him away.


Fritz, Kyra, Chuck & Maura helping corral the cats, pack my bags & making sure the right calls were completed. Fritz & Kyra taking me away. Fritz sedating me, holding me while I cried. A night of shimmering agony...


Being woken the next day by Willow to get me to eat & drink something, anything. Goddess what a wretched, wretched feeling, wanting to be dead with him then deciding I couldn't go because then there would be no one to take care of the cats. Choosing to live as long as the cats needed me.


I'm still not sure I will survive the cats, ya know.....

Labels:

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Name changes??

When I married, I discovered that my sister-in-law & I had EXACTLY the same name. Same middle name, same spelling, everything. When Jeff was alive he didn't want me to change my name. But he's gone & I'm thinking about it.

I don't want to get rid of Stone, I'm proud to wear his name, proud to be his wife. But I was thinking of adding another middle name & start going by that. This way I could honor my godparents & my parents intentions but hopefully unentangle my files from my sister in law.

Basically, I'm thinking of adding Lyssa to the Lynn in my middle name. What do you think? Have you ever wanted to change your name? Women go thru life accepting name change as a fact of life, is this any different?

Lyssa

Labels:

Never really done this before...


Ok, so I'm nervous, this is like a first date.


Hello world, welcome to my dreams.


I've read other friends blogs for years, offered social commentary even. But have never opened myself up to the other side of the process.


It is time I tried. So here is my first swing on the trapeze of blogging...

Feels a lot like that first dance on my wedding day did... dizzy, happy & full of hope..